i overheard my wife talking about me

As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? Oh my god I fucking lost it at your comment. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. I am not straight, nor am I gay. I'm sorry. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. Your wife hates that you're bi. But at least this one has some panache. See how it flushes out. A couple of laffs? But it needs to be on your terms. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. You gotta fuck Tom. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. She's betrayed you. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. Go see a divorce attorney. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. Yeah. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Regardless, hilarious. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. This is a recipe that you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even a bad day. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). Not buying it. You can't unhear it and if you don't bring it up, your resentment will grow and your self-esteem. 3. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! Been with each other for roughly 4 years. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Just shows she has no loyalty. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Thats punishment enough for some. So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. ! for a few minutes. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. People do stupid shit. Best thing to do is give it some time. We have 2 amazing kids. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. Life works in a whelm of duality. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. Especially when there is alcohol involved. People are weak sometimes. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. Birds of a feather flock together. Same! But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. If you are honest, people may cheat you. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. But something you might ask her about. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. I am a closeted bi woman. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. Couples counseling could help. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. I don't think you will recover from this. Ha fucking ha. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. I've been married for 21+ years. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. That's a lifetime story . So does she. I would not have been able to control myself the same way no doubt. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. Hes outed now. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. There were 3 friends with her. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! I would be so freaking upset & sad. I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. You know what Im talking about Im sure. Give your best anyway. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. You are who you are, it's a done deal. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. No real worries there. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. In this day and age? She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. It's terrible. She violated a boundary. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I don't know where you should go from here. She's lying to you to save face. If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. That was extra stupid. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Names have been changed. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Honestly I admire you had the balls to call her out in front of her friends and kick everyone out! I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. "My. It actually did make me feel a little better. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. That is a messy situation. How? MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. How could you ever trust this person again. Best of luck. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. But we hung on. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Kidding aside. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. Who cares. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? Nowadays? Winston Churchill First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Very much agree with this person right here. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. How long has she been friends with them? Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. Couples therapy. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Just talk. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. I probably wouldnt have. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. She continued to ignore my boundary. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. We have an exciting and active sex life. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. It seems like it doesnt bother your one guy friend all that much and maybe having it a little out in the open will be nice. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Those so called friends are not real friends. It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. Honestly man if I found out my partner thinks so little of me because of my sexuality, especially after what you guys do in the bedroom, I would honestly hand her divorce papers and let her know that she can enjoy her friends company more since she's not with the bi guy anymore and she can go be with Tom like she wanted. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. Best of luck. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. I suggest an open minded conversation. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Yeah, I'm a married woman. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Period.. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. That's so fucked man. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. Just the circles I run in a guess. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. It sounds like her friends are shit. People won't forget about it. You and your wife decided to marry each other. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. That is why we married each other. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. I was going to say something identical. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. EVERYTHING she did was awful and she clearly knew that she messed up (more than once). The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! How much more reassurance do you need? And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. Dude, I am so sorry. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. She needs to understand that at least. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. What can you say or she say tomorrow? No. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. thats some foul behaviour. It actually did make me feel a little better. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. And can think clearly. She did not need to provide more information. She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Take a few days away from everything. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. Be open with her. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. Created by your wife. I couldnt believe it. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? Divorce her. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. Oh My God, seriously? Thats so tough. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. No one cares. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. You have every right to be pissed. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. They were together for 3 years. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. We have a dog and some goldfish. I have never discussed my sexual relationship with my husband with them, and theyve never discussed their sex lives with their partners with me (because were all married or long term now, and thats just inappropriate. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. This is not helpful but wow. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. Life is great and were very blessed. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. So much this. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. Agreed! No pun intended. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. She has betrayed your trust. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. Im so lost. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. You deserve so much better than this. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? She put you down at your own house. Emasculated. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. I turned around and stormed off to our room. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. Your wife's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her character too. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. 2. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. You deserve better treatment from her. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. Your life, you know the relationship better than us, but this is plenty to break a marriage. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. Wow dude, that sucks and I feel bad for you. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. Therapy is the next logical step. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. I think you handled that really well. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. Wow dude. She kept her bad friends 4. Dude, yeah. I learned that it is usually a sign of people not sharing everything, not saying that is your situation, but she violated your trust and didnt even give you the courtesy of giving you the heads up. I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Don't fight. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Any other friends you have in common likely know. At 31 years old! And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. I dont know what to do. I thanked him. It mattered not, the day was mine. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. Cool off first of all. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Do not let anybody minimize this either. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. About everything. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. If you need more time to yourself, take it. Sorry if this is all over the place. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Doesnt make it right. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? She basically said, well if you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset right now. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? And can think clearly. Idc who they are. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. You deserve that. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. Good luck and I do feel for you. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Let her know how betrayed you feel. Divorce. Mahatma Gandhi From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Don't go silent on her. This isn't your fault. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. Its one of the biggest consequences to a pushover personality and if she wants to get back on OPs good side/have a better go with a different relationship, shes gotta level up on her backbone first. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. You must not lose faith in humanity. THAT is a stand up friend. Her voice was strained and raspy. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? These fake stories are starting to piss me off. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. She stopped criticizing after that. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. My suggestion? Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. That is something you tell your partner immediately after it happens (same with exposing your sexuality to her friends). And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. I hope you can work it out. I am honestly at a loss. There were many times where we wanted to throw in the towel. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. I am so sorry. Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Not such perfect marriage after all. Your wife is a cowered. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. Their partners undoubtedly know about you. Its not an easy solution. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. Im so sorry this happened. Your marriage is between the two of you. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. 2.) She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Dont slide back to her. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. She NEVER told me this. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. No. Youre not overreacting at ALL. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. I wish you the best of luck and although feelings usually subside after sleep, please don't just say everything is alright when this incident has revealed fundamental issues in the relationship's trust and overall what she deems to be acceptable conversations with friends. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Sorry bro, no words. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. Viktor Frankl Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! It sounds like shes remorseful. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. But try couples counseling and go from there. Your wife needs some new friends. But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. I don't know what I'd do. Yup. My only advice is to give it time. 1) Your wife was so freaked she let the fact that you're bi slip out two years ago yet continues to discuss it with them? Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. This was not stupid. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. She just let it slip. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. I 100% understand why you're so upset. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. This doesnt excuse anything. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Well 1. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. Chin up man. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. Marriage counseling needed. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. we're both 28. And without trust, you have nothing. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Be honest anyway. Your wife doesn't have your back. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. What else is she keeping from OP? Right I mean she volunteered stuff when she could have kept her mouth shut. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. Good luck and I do feel for you. Couples counselling may help as well. Saying that it was simply too small. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. You don't have to let it go. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. I agree with this comment the most. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. BS. I didn't enforce it, I didn't like it and it made me feel similarly to you. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. Next I called my wife. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. Nope, don't buy it. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? Hows everything going out there? she asked motioning to the garage smiling nervously. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. This right here. The women were all on the patio outside. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. First of all, I don't trust your wife. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. Had a similar situation with my best friend. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. I'm glad she apologized. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. Her to like the same shit you go?? Fuck her. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. If you feel this can be fixed, try couples counseling, but honestly I only see this ending one way. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. I will always defend my guy. There is nothing wrong with you. Oh come.A- at least. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. Do you love her more than anything? These ones sound terrible. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. So will she keep acting to her friends like she has a problem with it? Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. Perhaps individual first because youll have to process your own feelings before trying to work through things together. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? Can you trust a person like that after all this? Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. So many unnecessary details. Your wife acted poorly. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. I am not open about my sexuality. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. Right? Do you think she feels the same way about you?? We have been married for more than 10 years and have . Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? Youre not overreacting. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. Although, bi men have it way worse. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. One day he throws a temper tantrum, and instead of talking with me about his insecurities, he goes off and tells everyone about it. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. OP can do better than Tom. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Or so that she wont identify you? Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. She hurt you fucking badly. Especially with the "gay" things they do. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. How disgusting can she be? But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. How unattractive I feel. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. It's not cool she didn't. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. Hold on tight and never give up! Humanity is an ocean. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to.

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